I tell her that I am at peace. She tells me that I shall not be at peace until I have found that which I have been seeking this while. I do not protest. How can I convey to her that peace is a process?
I set a journey for myself, believing I shall find it. Along the way, I realized I had not known what I had been seeking; that I named an object that was not what I sought; and that my ostensible grail was insubstantial if I listened to the truth of my footsteps…my direction, method and object were all at odd angles to each other. I had fleshed out the grail to bring earth to heaven. Illusory Annunciation.
I had been seeking Knowledge and I had not known it. As always.
Now, as I near the end of the first battle, I am more at peace. I can see over the hilltop, over the barriers I had set for myself, to a flowering.I am free because I am no longer constrained by my debt to time, and I understand how laughter springs out of harsh things.
But she should know this! She has lived!
There is silence between us, and I fall back to my shore unable to understand what means I could use to tell her where I am. Till I realize that perhaps she knows a peace I do not, and cannot convey it to me.
So, there shall be gulfs. And peace.
Should the rest matter if we each find our own?